So You’re A Singleton…

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I’m 26 and single. I’ve been single since I was 21 apart from a month long relationship with a guy who wanted nothing more than to settle down and reproduce – talk about scaring a girl off…?!

Something I don’t understand at all at the moment is how people who are single go out and meet guys without having to be in a bar… What do you do???

I know that in America and England and other places that there are loads of things for people to do… Ireland doesn’t have the same level of opportunity I guess…?

This weekend, I have been the equivalent of recluse. I am Stoney broke – paying off a holiday so in the long run it’s for the best. I went out for food with one of my friends who has recently met a new guy and is seeing him exclusively – they met in a club. Yesterday I called to my cousin and visited my grandfather in the hospital… I stayed in last night and watched the rest of a tv series. Today I slept in, got up, made meringues, and have been watching Mean Girls whilst drinking tea and eating a mint aero.
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All of my antics have made me think about what the hell I’m doing to better things for myself…. How easy was it for us to meet guys when we were in school and college?! Answer = Simple! So easy it wasn’t even funny! Now, it feels like its impossible to meet anyone without being surrounded by alcoholic beverages and drunk people! I’d love to be able to turn around in years to come and say that I met my husband somewhere a little bit more unconventional. It seems the only options are to find a guy in a pub or on Tinder.

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I feel like I must be stupid to be holding out for something a little bit more romantic than a screen or a shot?! Am I? I really don’t know whether I’m being stupid by thinking like this…. If I’m not being stupid, then what do I do next? Can someone in this WordPress world tell me what I need to do next?! I’m not by any means desperate, but I would like to get back out there on the dating scene! I’ve spent the last few years working on me… My confidence and self esteem have gone up, my weight is going down, exercise is a vital role in my routine, as is work, yoga, music, reading, having fun… Etc…

So, I’m a Singleton… And have no idea what to do with myself…?!

Apart from this, I want to finish my post on a more positive note…

Over the last few years I’ve learned an awful lot about myself so I’m really grateful to have had the time to do this. I’m really enjoying my life at the moment (apart from being married to my job maybe) and I love trying to make the most of things. I’m really proud of the positive person I’ve transformed into and the confidence that I’ve developed. I love myself. Not in an uppity, stuck up way… I’ve gone from hating myself to having a reasonable level of self love and respect. I’m proud of myself. I’m proud of who I am, where I come from, what I do, what I believe in – and I have no intention of ever changing myself to suit someone else ever again. I’m not going to settle for someone because I feel lonely, I’m not going to spend my days searching for The One. I’m willing to take the time to be myself, to live my best life and, if The One comes along in the meantime then that will be a lovely little added bonus! ūüėČ

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My Top Three Queen Bees

I don’t think I am a feminist. I may sound ignorant but I don’t really know what feminism entails. I’m all for equal rights. I’m quite content being single and independent. Does this make me a feminist? I really don’t know…

Before I get caught up in the political side of things, I’ll get to the point – My Queen Bees!

I was scrolling through the internet, as one does, and it struck me how inspirational I find certain women. I have an array of women that I look up to and admire but I’ve narrowed those I’ll write about down to three.

1. Miranda Hart

 

Miranda Hart is a British comedian, actress and writer. She has starred in a semi-autobiographic TV show called¬†Miranda¬†and is also in¬†Call the Midwife. I recently read one of Miranda’s books called “Is it Just Me?” and I absolutely loved it. This woman can do no wrong in my eyes. Her show¬†Miranda is a laugh a minute, and her book made so much sense to me it was frightening. Miranda is of the opinion that if we all embraced our inner child then the world would be a better place. She also taught me that being silly, doing stupid things, and making mistakes are all part of life’s fun and that we need to stop taking life so seriously. In her book “Is It Just Me?” Miranda engages in a fictional conversation with her teenage self and explains that even though she is single, tall, and not always on the slim side, her life is just perfectly fantastic as it is. I admire her for her honesty. So many of us are under the illusion that we need to fit into the societal boxes that have been put in place. You have a womb therefore you must want to reproduce… You are single therefore you must be looking for a partner… etc… ¬†I know that not everyone feels¬†these pressures but this amazing woman has made me feel that its OK that everything hasn’t fallen in to place yet. She has reassured me that my body may not be the “perfect” type but that I need to embrace who I am and love myself anyway. She is a gem of a woman and has earned herself a spot in my Top Three Queen Bees. Thank You Miranda x

2. Anna Kendrick

I don’t know what it is about Anna Kendrick that I love – I think its how she embraces her eccentricity and doesn’t care what people think of her. Today I saw an article on Buzzfeed called¬†Anna Kendrick Reveals She Isn’t Embarrassed About That Ryan Gosling Masturbation Tweet.¬†She says whats on her mind and couldn’t care less. I mean, who else would tweet the following (maybe my final Queen Bee now that I contemplate this) ¬†“Ugh – NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theater again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered “inappropriate” ” She is one of the funniest people to follow on Twitter –¬†click here to see the goods! Anna’s wit and “I don’t give a f*%k” nature are two things that I greatly admire. Like my girl Miranda, she just doesn’t hold back. She is who she is and you can take it or leave it.

3. Jennifer Lawrence

OK, my WordPress peeps, let me get one thing clear – if I die and if somehow my life was worthy of being made into a movie – JLaw will be me. End. Of. Story. ¬†I have loved this girl since I first encountered her. She falls on her face at the most prestigious event in the acting world and doesn’t care. She talks openly about how much she loves food and how she’s considered “obese” in Hollywood. She plays games with other actors¬†in the middle of interviews. She has attitude. She’ll turn down roles if the directors want her to lose too much weight – ‚ÄúI‚Äôd rather look chubby on-screen and like a person in real life.‚ÄĚ Go Jen!!

All in all, these women embrace who they are with a confidence that I greatly admire. I need to take a leaf out of their books. Or, preferably, embrace my own book and not be looking to take stuff from other people….?! As I stated at the start of the year, this year is all about me and my confidence and self-esteem. This post started with a title and a lot of thinking afterwards… I had no idea who I would choose. I know that there are many many other women I admire and look up to (pics are below) but these Three Queen Bees have all the qualities I want to embrace right now! Hopefully I can learn a thing or two from them!

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Other Queen Bees I Admire
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The One Video You Must Watch Today

Today I did a meditation where I had to think about Nature. From where I was sitting, which was the comfortable spot of my bed, the most of Nature I can see are a few branches and the ever graying sky above them.

Weather-wise, today is bleak and monotonous, grey and windy. And while I am a little hippy at heart and love trees and nature, I found it hard to be inspired by such a dull scene. However, I remembered a video I watched РI came across this on http://www.ted.com and I really hope you take six minutes out of your day to watch this video.

If I am ever down, if I am ever losing faith, if I am ever convinced that l cannot see the positives in my world, I watch this; a video by Louis Schwartzberg.

Enjoy, my friends, and know that we are never alone, we are surrounded by beauty, and, as the saying goes, there is always something to be grateful for.

Happiest of Fridays to You!

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Hope everyone in the WordPress World has a magnificent Friday!

I know that we’re not meant to be living for Friday (and I can honestly say I usually don’t) but this week has been intense to say the least and I am so glad that it’s the weekend!

In order to celebrate I want to direct your attention to a website that I will frequently be adding links to: http://www.8tracks.com – a website where people make and share playlists, you can simply enter your mood, feelings, event, etc and be presented with a list of playlists that match your mood!

Here is your Feelgood Friday Playlist!

Have a weekend full of fun, wonder, laughter, and love!

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A mini epiphany and a Happy App!

Aloha! It’s been a whole three days since I’ve last posted my dear reader! How have you been?!

[Challenge Update: I added the guy from the bar on Facebook. He accepted. But nothings going to happen there I’m afraid!]

I have gone back to work after the Christmas holidays and man, have I gone back with a bang! It is¬†insane how busy I am. I am a Special Needs Teacher ( I somehow managed to wangle my way onto this route after qualifying as a mainstream teacher but I’m loving the challenge of the job!) I won’t even get started on the immense stress I’m feeling these last few days because, if you look at my first post, my wordpress de-virginisation, then you’ll see that I, my good friend, am eagerly trying to focus on the bright side of life! And I’m pleased to say that it’s working!

I had a mini epiphany today whilst looking up things to keep a dreadfully sad student somewhat positive. I remembered she had told me that she rather enjoyed Harry Potter so I searched for some quotes – Dumbledore and Harry are quite wise when it comes to doling out advice you know! I stumbled upon this beauty:

As I read it, I realised how much I needed to see those words. I spent the last year hoping for love, dreaming of love, aching to be loved. I spent days and nights dreaming of people who I thought I might stand a chance with, imagining how our amazing relationships would pan out. I put all of my time and energy into this. And while this may seem desperate and pathetic to a lot of you, I honestly don’t care. I have been on a hectic journey in my 26 years on this planet – involving depression, crucifying anxiety for over 12 years, and battling to see joy in the world. But I’m here, and I’ve made it, and I finally feel that I am worthy of another person’s love and respect – so I will not apologise for dreaming that it might actually happen!

Anyway,I saw this quote and came to this realisation:¬†after spending the year dreaming about finding love and living happily ever after, and after the stomach-churning event at the beginning of the year involving a boy (mentioned in my previous post), I realised that I’d wasted my time dreaming about all of this instead of living the life that was in front of me now. Now, don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed my 2014. I went on some amazing adventures, saw some amazing bands, made loads of new friends, and became happier with life in general. But I shouldn’t waste my time dreaming about love. If I am meant to have love then love will surely find its way into my life. Period.

I have an App on my iPhone called Happier  (Android link here / Website link here) which is an App that allows you to document the happy moments of your day to day life.

You can follow daily prompts if you so wish, send smiles to others (the equivalent of likes on Facebook statuses) and take part in some free 7-day courses. I am an avid user since I discovered it with well over 300 happier moments. I have recently started one of the courses – More Calm, Less Stress¬†– and in today’s meditation I was asked to consider how life has turned into something that is Go, Go, Go. We don’t take the time to sit back and appreciate things as much as we should. We are constantly rushing towards one thing or another, whether its another deadline at work, rushing to schools to collect children, or rushing to get the dinner on the table. We have become too familiar with this culture of haste. The meditation made me realise this and I felt that this was something I needed to hear. (two mini epiphanies – my blog title stands corrected) I had a very stressful day at work today, as I mentioned earlier and I had allowed that negative and stressful head-space to come home with me.¬†Shame on you woman!¬†I decided to do a good deed and collected my brother from work,¬†and as I sat in the car waiting for him I realised just how true those words from the App were. I looked outside at people rushing to leave buildings after work, rushing into the gym, cursing the red traffic lights, angry at the traffic cues, cross as they¬†realised it was raining when they left buildings… etc etc… I sat, and looked out, and I smiled. I felt more aware of things then than I have done in a long time. I feel that my road to self confidence is being paved. Some day I will be as content as young Daniel Radcliffe here (I say young, I’m only a year older….!)

Adios Amigos! May the joy be with you!

2015… Let’s Be Having You…

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It is 2015 and here I am again trying to promise myself I’ll blog more and document my life for myself.

The thing is, I know that this is unrealistic. I’ll write about a couple of things, come to the realisation that what I’m doing is a bit stupid and forget about it until next year. A girl can at least try to make an attempt though! ūüėČ

2015 has been eventful so far…. From ballroom dancing in the kitchen with my brother (which neither of us can actually do btw) to already being on a course of antibiotics, to a bff going on a date with a guy I kissed and liked…. So, dear reader, I’m feeling a little bit sorry for myself. This is NOT how I was hoping 2015 would start off…

I am now 26, and single. Still single. My family have their running jokes about it…my grandmother calls me up with personal ads from the newspaper, tries to hook me up with Ministers of the Eucharist from her church (why do this to me-I am so not religious?!) and my brothers make running jokes, asking me when my dog is going to propose go me… Do I really need to go on??

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to be more positive and more optimistic. I’ve gone from being on antidepressants to being a generally happy and bubbly person, but my self esteem and confidence are things that I’m still struggling with. It sucks… I don’t know how to amend this glitch in my inner wiring system…!

Won’t you join me as I try to work my ass of to being proud of myself and happy with who I am…? I know I don’t need a man to define me, I don’t need anyone in my life to justify how great of a person I am, but, if I’m to be frank, I’m starting to worry that I may just be getting left behind. It’s been a Christmas full of engagements and weddings, full of boys talking to me about how much they love my best friend and asking how do they get her to go out with them, and general Slap-you-in-the-face, kick-you-in-the-balls sort of events. I was so determined that this year was going to be the best year of my life and it seems that after only four days in, I’ve hit a brick wall.

Currently I’m thinking of myself as your modern day Bridget Jones…. I have no idea how to play the game, but I’m damn well going to take a stab at it this year.

Today’s task is as follows: get the courage to add a guy on Facebook, the guy you were talking to at the bar…. (Insides are churning at the thought of this already but if you’re really serious about getting yourself out there, about making this one of the best years of your life then you need to step out if this comfort zone you have built yourself and do a few things that scare you a bit – no excuses!)

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So, my dear and lovely readers and bloggers, I have high hopes for this year. I hope manage to spread the joy, halve my burdens and make a few new friends. And, if I happen to rid myself of my Bridget Jones status along the way then that’ll just be an added bonus!