Aloha! It’s been a whole three days since I’ve last posted my dear reader! How have you been?!
[Challenge Update: I added the guy from the bar on Facebook. He accepted. But nothings going to happen there I’m afraid!]
I have gone back to work after the Christmas holidays and man, have I gone back with a bang! It is insane how busy I am. I am a Special Needs Teacher ( I somehow managed to wangle my way onto this route after qualifying as a mainstream teacher but I’m loving the challenge of the job!) I won’t even get started on the immense stress I’m feeling these last few days because, if you look at my first post, my wordpress de-virginisation, then you’ll see that I, my good friend, am eagerly trying to focus on the bright side of life! And I’m pleased to say that it’s working!
I had a mini epiphany today whilst looking up things to keep a dreadfully sad student somewhat positive. I remembered she had told me that she rather enjoyed Harry Potter so I searched for some quotes – Dumbledore and Harry are quite wise when it comes to doling out advice you know! I stumbled upon this beauty:
As I read it, I realised how much I needed to see those words. I spent the last year hoping for love, dreaming of love, aching to be loved. I spent days and nights dreaming of people who I thought I might stand a chance with, imagining how our amazing relationships would pan out. I put all of my time and energy into this. And while this may seem desperate and pathetic to a lot of you, I honestly don’t care. I have been on a hectic journey in my 26 years on this planet – involving depression, crucifying anxiety for over 12 years, and battling to see joy in the world. But I’m here, and I’ve made it, and I finally feel that I am worthy of another person’s love and respect – so I will not apologise for dreaming that it might actually happen!
Anyway,I saw this quote and came to this realisation: after spending the year dreaming about finding love and living happily ever after, and after the stomach-churning event at the beginning of the year involving a boy (mentioned in my previous post), I realised that I’d wasted my time dreaming about all of this instead of living the life that was in front of me now. Now, don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed my 2014. I went on some amazing adventures, saw some amazing bands, made loads of new friends, and became happier with life in general. But I shouldn’t waste my time dreaming about love. If I am meant to have love then love will surely find its way into my life. Period.
I have an App on my iPhone called Happier (Android link here / Website link here) which is an App that allows you to document the happy moments of your day to day life.
You can follow daily prompts if you so wish, send smiles to others (the equivalent of likes on Facebook statuses) and take part in some free 7-day courses. I am an avid user since I discovered it with well over 300 happier moments. I have recently started one of the courses – More Calm, Less Stress – and in today’s meditation I was asked to consider how life has turned into something that is Go, Go, Go. We don’t take the time to sit back and appreciate things as much as we should. We are constantly rushing towards one thing or another, whether its another deadline at work, rushing to schools to collect children, or rushing to get the dinner on the table. We have become too familiar with this culture of haste. The meditation made me realise this and I felt that this was something I needed to hear. (two mini epiphanies – my blog title stands corrected) I had a very stressful day at work today, as I mentioned earlier and I had allowed that negative and stressful head-space to come home with me. Shame on you woman! I decided to do a good deed and collected my brother from work, and as I sat in the car waiting for him I realised just how true those words from the App were. I looked outside at people rushing to leave buildings after work, rushing into the gym, cursing the red traffic lights, angry at the traffic cues, cross as they realised it was raining when they left buildings… etc etc… I sat, and looked out, and I smiled. I felt more aware of things then than I have done in a long time. I feel that my road to self confidence is being paved. Some day I will be as content as young Daniel Radcliffe here (I say young, I’m only a year older….!)
Adios Amigos! May the joy be with you!